But, Not So Seriously…

Here are some ‘not-so-serious’ questions which i have pondered over and haven’t found answers to in quite a while. If you do know the answers, lemme know.

Where are the pretty girls in trains or buses in which i travel? I never find them. I have traveled, like a million times, between Chennai and Bangalore, never have i seen a pretty girl in my coach. How the hell do they travel? The reservation list is devoid of anyone between 18 and 25. Damn my luck! Do they always enjoy the luxuries of first class, airplane or something? It could be true, they seem to find all comforts way too easily. They jump queues, get away with parking tickets, shed some tears and ‘earn’ a free ice cream and what not. As George Costanza puts it: Pretty women; they get everything.

What’s with the ISO9001 certificates? All it says is, “document everything you do, you will in our privileged list.” If you have knowledge about an impending disaster or of all the things that can go wrong, write it, announce it and have your fifteen seconds of fame receiving the certificate. Everybody seems to have those certificates anyway. If am not wrong, there will be a day when matrimonial sites’ profile claims, “my life is ISO9001 certified, my whole lifestyle is documented here. Interested?”

Why do drivers honk when the signal is red? Or when the LED display shows 10 seconds for the light to turn green? Which school do those people come from? I can read people, i know when to stop and when to move. Is it because of what Jerry Seinfeld claims? Men try to impress women. They call out for them. This man is running out of ideas. Look what he is doing to get attention!

When will the older generation realize that weekends are meant to have fun and not to rest? They tell me on Wednesdays after a tiring day, “you don’t stay at home on Sundays, that’s why you tired now.” Why do I need to remind my parents every time that I have ‘plans’? Just like any average, conservative, god-fearing south Indian family, my enormously inquisitive family wants me to be a ‘nice’ guy. What’s the point? It is the bad ones who get to have all the fun.

Why are the big names in bollywood movies always Malhotras, Saxenas, Sharmas, Mishras or Guptas? Its high time we have reservations for the other ‘lower’ names that are being under-represented. No wonder south Indian names don’t sound so cool! Give us a Sastry as a successful lawyer, and we will show that we can be the handsome hunks of the country. Why can’t a Murthy be a protagonist who is the apple of everyone’s eyes? More on that here (funniest blog post ever).

What is a conductor (or maestro) doing in a opera performance? What signals can he possibly send to the ones who are actually playing an instrument. To me it looks as if he is struggling to cover himself with a blanket when he lies down to sleep.

Why are all the shampoos and detergent ‘new and improved’? When were we using the ‘old and ineffective’?

Why is a couple congratulated when the wife is pregnant? I totally understand the gesture when the baby is born, it does take some effort, but not anytime before. Come on, it not like it can’t happen by accident. And it doesn’t take big efforts either. Believe me when I say it’s been done to death. **

How come some of us don’t understand that the ‘proposals’ they are talking about are actually ‘pick up lines’ and that dating doesn’t mean falling in love? In one of the threads on Orkut dating community: How did you propose the first time? Huh? First time? Dude, there aren’t many Ross Gellers in this planet you know. Orkut dating communities are treat for anyone with a great appetite for laughter.

When will Americans get rid of the notion that anti-war is anti-American and absorb the notion that George Bush is an Idiot? Perhaps George Bush himself can figure them out! Both of them. He can’t be that dumb…..or can he?

Why does Bangalore times try to spread an unrealistic culture? One of the issues spelled out, “youngsters today spend about Rs. 250 everyday on eat-out and joints like cafe coffee day.” Whoa!!!!! Not everyone is a biological offspring of a Malhotra or a Saxena. There are still those people who never find the need to fill the secret pockets in their trousers, let alone finding one of their drinks or their service appalling.

Talking about what I find, appalling, it is the grotesque paintings of Picasso. How do people find it appealing instead? Deemed ineducable, he must have spent his entire life time in solitary confinement. He absolutely had no idea what a human being looked like. The only reason the paintings remotely resembled a human being is because they walked on two legs and had exactly two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears, but brutally out of proportion.

Why does everyone call me coolshankin? It is not just with one friend circle but everyone. I know that the ID is pretty lame, but it is just my email address (at least before i started blogging). When people can’t get around teasing me, they just call me ‘coolshankin’ and smile. Helpless, I smile back. In my defense, it sounded “cool” way back in eight standard when i made my yahoo id.

Lastly, of many who read this post, why is it that only a few leave a comment? Every post I write, I manage to send offliners in yahoo and send messages over gtalk and spam the orkut account announcing the “publication” and asking for comments, yet only a handful leave a comment. My site meter shows over 30 visits, but only 5-6 comments.

If you have any questions nagging you or answers to some questions above, do comment. This post is no way intended to offend Picasso, his fans, Seinfeld or any other great artist in the same way as Sony did not intend to offend Christians with the release of The Da Vinci Code and as Aamir Khan did not intend to bring down the name of Gujarat with his noble request to help people which BJP has a problem with. Everything must be taken in jest. That raises a couple of more ‘not-so -serious’ questions, doesn’t it?

** “done to death” was Elaine’s reaction on having babies….as an afterthought, that paragraph was rather unnecessary

25 Replies to “But, Not So Seriously…”

  1. “Believe me when I say it’s been done to death” LOL!

    Way to go, _coolshankin_!

  2. I must say in my defense that I do leave comments…..
    A lot of Seinfeld in this blog, I think one was flcked from seinfeld, th e conductor thing….
    Anyway, there are some questions that are never answered, and may be it is better that way. If you saw a pretty girl in the bus or train, all you would do is ogle at her and not do anything about it, later you may kick yourself for not trying 😛
    There are some for which there is no answer. The driver who can see that the light is red or that there is another car in front of me that is stationary, blows is horn like mad, what does he expect me to do, go over the guy in front???
    I have answer to one question though. You are called CoolShankin because you are cool. You shook hands with the Australian PM and have Robin Singh’s autograph….those are enough credentials to call you COOLSHANKIN( with the action)…..

  3. Maan, from wat i hav read of urs, this oones really kool and not cool as in coolshankin. I guess am commenting for the first time. Evrythings done well except 4
    “Why is a couple congratulated when the wife is pregnant? I totally understand the gesture when the baby is born, it does take some effort, but not anytime before. Come on, it not like it can’t happen by accident. And it doesn’t take big efforts either. Believe me when I say it’s been done to death.”
    Tat was not rit and uncalled 4.

  4. Seriously good post guru 🙂

    Where are the pretty girls?

    Travelling first class… while you are sitting out the drab 6 hour journey on 2nd class seater, they enjoy their travels in the comfort of Aircondtioning in a different coach of the same train you are in.

    Why does Bangalore times try to spread an unrealistic culture?

    Thats the tabloid culture. Everyone *needs* to have a Figo-cut as its world cup time. Everyone *needs* to spend time hanging out in socialite party. Else they won’t have anything to write about. The last thing you’ll want to read is how Shakin scored 10 on 20 in a quiz 😛

  5. ok…first of all pretty gals r everywhere…as someone said”beauty lies in da beholder’s eyes”ne ways its not jus “pretty” women dat get everythin..”women”on da whole r given privileages n as time advances demands increase…”u ask 4 it n u get it”…Seinfeldian observations….liked it n agreed..though i do like his work too..never asked dos qns…life in fast lane s makin us impatient..so wen a guy(its always a guy..women drivers r too busy tryin 2 figure out da clutches,gears,brakes n da lanes..no wonder dey turn out overly cautious)sees a driver utilisin his time 2 relax…he says,dude!!!i gotta go…i m frakin timed out!n its impossible 2 b vocal..so da horns cum in handy…n ya da louder u go da more u r assured reaction..if weekends r still ur way of ‘vin fun even after a stay weeks ago in hostel mailes away…u gotta look around…believe me…bad boys r not da only ones to ve fun..n ya not jus conservative god fearin families love der kids…progeny s ne beings biggest asset…n ya dos orkut datin threads r seriously hilarious….!!!!!!!!(as ne dating site!!!!!after all profile s r light years away 4m da real u)guess da comment answers some questions…n ya dis s not my first comment either…i sure don blog bt i do love to comment!ciao!!!!!!!!

  6. i dont have the answers.

    hilarious post!

    there are somethings best expressed in silence.
    hence no comments, though i read most of your posts.

    the pretty girls are at home trying to become more and more prettier. hence they aren’t found in your coach.

    the congrats to the couple should actually read like this:
    to the man – “congrats dude, you hit the nail right on the head!”
    to the woman – congrats girl, hope you practised cursive writitng when you were a kid”

    kindly add one more question to your list.

    why da fck do ppl thnk tis kewl 2 snd like dey got bubble gum in da mouth?

  7. The Conductors job, besides looking important,is keeping the orchestra in line. When you have a few dozen people playing something together, it is very important that there be someone to hold the reins.
    The other questions cant really be answered…
    You have me stumped there.

  8. everytime i find the mention of ‘Sienfeld’ i make a mental click.
    n yaa i made sure that u read my comment n thus solve one of ur mystery Qs

  9. Nothing, just got to your post through desipunidt….so just decided to let you know 🙂

  10. nice post man – sometime back when we were announcing that there will be a baby happening to us soon – along with all the good wishes, all the best stuff – a young cousin also asked us incredulously – god, u guys hv ben slogging out for this – were’nt u !!

  11. About the comments – I have no idea how much you bloghop, (not having bloghopped my wya here) but high comment number must have something to do with how much you read and comment on other people’s blogs. Think about it. If a blogger comments on your blog, isn’t it reasonable and polite to return the call? Most bloggers do, and that hikes up reading and comment count.

    Plus, it is sad truth that irritating spammer open blogpages, notice the word verificationa nd back away, all in one second, and that artificially inflates your blog hit count.

    Also, does your counter move when oyu hit refresh? The same person who reads the page once and comments once might be contributing two hits.

    The most important thing – numbers don’t matter.

    I got refered here, and I’m glad I read that blogpost, since I hit a few nails on the head. (Like the stay-home-on-sunday).

    Oh, and since I was looking for that Sidin post forever (couldn’t remember what it was called), thank you.

  12. Nice post!
    Some of these questions have been nagging me too! The ‘pretty-girlss-in-the-train’ one especially. And it’s more painful for me as I’m almost always alone when travelling…
    About the proposals – after seeing the culture here, i believe it is very common to propose more than once, to different people ofcourse!
    I think the americans are too dumb to understand that they are being lead by the dumbest of them all!
    And, believe me, CoolShankin is actually cool! 🙂

  13. pretty girls on trains in sleeper coaches are rare. That’s coz their pretty moms made sure they got married to rich men or at least men who would become rich in life eventually….

  14. @mohan: thanks…..’done to death’ was by Elaine.
    @ashish: i had read that before….nice one
    @mahesh: conductor one was my own, remember yaani concert…am i really cool oe are you making it up? 😛
    @sunil: i kinda thought so too….but put it up anyway
    @octa 🙂
    @swetha: i though beauty was in the hands of beer holder
    @manasi: 🙂
    @naresh: 🙂
    @subramanya: thanks for visiting
    @swathi: the question is till not solved….210 visits and 16 comments 🙁
    @mahesh: thanks again
    @uday: 😀
    @camphor: i usually comment when i have something big to say. mostly on those blogs whom i know well
    @aravind: here?? france? very few think colshankin is cool 🙁
    @rahul: me too……junta think its cool
    @dazedandconfused: 😀

    Also thanks to all those who commented on gtalk and ym

  15. Jobless dog…….
    I always comment…….
    U say where r the pretty girls right.it depends on the city…I had gone to delhi when in 9th and i did’nt know in which direction to look okay..THEY WERE ALL OVER THE CITY 🙂



  16. Its a really funny post. I love the choice of words, simple and amazingly effective 🙂
    I guess the previous 19 comments say it all. I am not going pretend to add value to the post through this comment 🙂 Hopefully, I will get on future blogposts a lot earlier (before desipundit gets to it) and leave a comment that actuall adds to the post

    Till then.. adios

  17. Good observations! 🙂 BTW Why can you tune a radio but not tuna fish?

    – – –

    I’m sure you know why I left a comment here! 😉

  18. please tell me how conceiving a child doeesnt require effort , k fine it may happen accidentally but the vast majority hav to work for it , visit infi sex therapists , take infi sterilty tests , performance enhancing drugs and what not , thats a ridiculous statement

  19. dude..i too wonder : where are all the pretty girls in banjara hills? Atleast they can come onto their roof-tops and enjoy the climate..

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